All Parts of Myself

Do we really live as if we allow all the parts of ourselves to be? Do we really include them all? Do we move in this world letting all of our parts feel belonged and welcomed? The conversations I’ve been having, the life experiences I’ve been navigating, the work I've been doing with my clients and students are all pointing in one direction: INTEGRATION. In this attempt to perform, to do, to be. In the hurry, in the lack, in the falling short we lose ourselves on our way somewhere. It feels that we divide ourselves so we can manage to live this way, a little bit here and a bit there. To deal with things in a compartmentalized way. As if we are compartmentalized beings, except we are not. We are our whole selves trying to emerge constantly. 

The parts that cover and the covered parts, the parts that are hiding and the parts on the surface. We chose which ones get to play a role time and time again and we get used to this dance. We get used to bringing our fragmented self to life. My reflection this month is how can we slowly begin to look into the ways we have been splitting off? How can we slowly welcome different parts of ourselves? The ones we have more intimacy with and the ones we’ve wanted to keep in the dark?

When I (seriously) began to meditate over 15 years ago, one of the things that struck me the most is this capacity we have to be with our experience in a very receptive way. As if opening a wide circle around us where everything belongs. What I mean by that is literally everything. The sounds in the room, the cramped feet, the itching on the back, the mind getting distracted over and over again, some deep emotions rising up... everything. Our lowest, our fears, our anxious tendencies, our shadows, our joys and cravings. It really shifted my whole perspective of what it meant to be with the flow of our life experience. It doesn't come easily and it’s the kind of capacity we cultivate time and time again. This capacity to invite everything in and to not let anything out. To me this was the beginning of the shift, really. The opening to look into all the parts I carry within me.

This translates to life in a very strange way. The resilience grows and the heart opens, we are more on the yes side, we allow more. Now, I'm not saying this is the only way or it’s this way for everyone. But what I do mean is however we get there, in this ongoing integration, this is where we want to live. In this meeting point of all that makes us who we are.

With love,
Mariana
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I recorded a meditation on this topic, in case you want to explore this a bit more in depth. You can access it here.