Let's talk about discomfort
Stay with me here. We’ve all been called to collectively tune into our discomfort in order to begin to process our shame, guilt and fear around the systemic racism and social injustice status we are slowly unveiling, in the midst of a very confused pandemic.
Discomfort is very familiar because we resist it so much. It’s around the corner in the small things and the big ones. It’s a lot. And it’s okay to take breaks along the way. Discomfort is a big word. However, the debt we have for not leaning into it has come to bite us. A society that turns away from discomfort and looks for short cuts and quick fixes is the result and the result, we all know, is sinking.
The good news is: there are ways to “work” with discomfort (other than Neftlix, chocolate and all the 84984595 things we get distracted with). Mindfulness is my road map. So let me walk you through some steps. The practice starts with the body, the first field of mindfulness. We begin to get curious. We explore the breath and the body.
How am I breathing?
Where am I breathing?
Where in the body do I feel it?
We get closer. We listen. We arrive inside of us. Then we slowly move into the Second Foundation of Mindfulness. In this field we get curious when we meet a sensation. We pause and make space for what is here, rather than jumping into it, trying to fix it, get rid of it or get more of it. We stay with the raw sensation, in a very direct way. It helps us notice our relationship to all the things that come up for us throughout the day. We are learning to notice, to be more aware:
Do I like this and cling to it?, In order to stay safe, to soothe myself?
Do I feel overwhelmed and challenged by this and reject it immediately? Do I push away?
This isn't clear to me, I feel confused, so do I make myself indifferent? Do I make myself numb?
The Buddha instruction is to focus on “the feeling of the feeling”. When we feel a sensation, very quickly there’s a reaction to it, right after there’s an internal judgement to the reaction, throwing us into a cycle of reactivity - I felt something, I reacted to it mindlessly, then I felt bad about my reaction. Here the invitation is for us to refrain. To pause. To observe. An opportunity to cultivate resilience and attunement.
Most of these big feelings, discomfort especially, seems like a mountain too high to climb. It feels challenging. We might feel unprepared to deal with it because we look at it as something we need to resolve or fix rather than something we befriend, something we feel. To feel discomfort is not to indulge in pain, it’s to let your humanity be present. It’s to make space to all that is here, to attend to where it is hurting. It’s to watch it move and change within us. It’s to not make it our identity. Once we are able and willing to open up to our own discomfort in an honest way, we can then extend this capacity to hold others discomfort. It’s a ripple effect and it’s our potential.
With Love,
Mariana
Ps: I recorded a meditation that support us in navigating discomfort with curiosity and kindness. Access here.